Geezer Writes about the Young, Confused Mind

Some would say: "I admit that I am, so far, like most of the same
generation of intellectually active minds among the maturing,
younger adults today, Deep somewhere within me, I confess to
myself that I am probably, really, something's 'windup toy.' I am
a contemporary, young-adult existentialist. I am bright, and
can be clever when the strange impulses which inhabit me, and
which control me, may permit me to be clever; but those impulses
do that in ways which I do not understand. Then, too often,
these impulses which are like those of a wind-me-up-toy (which
somebody, or something else controls) might permit me to play,
or, may act to shut down my will to act. I try to do the
things which suggest to me that I have free will, but, in my
darkest moments, I know that that belief in my own free will is
only another consoling delusion, when these unknown voices
permit me to enjoy such a moment or two of pleasure. There are,
in short, strange voiceless voices speaking to me, from where I
do not know, voices which will cause me to punish myself, if I
do not obey them when they silently speak. Will someone please
tell me 'why'."